23 today

Today is Mother's Day. It is also Jeremy's 23rd birthday. We went out this morning and got him one "Happy Birthday" balloon and 4 green star balloons. We let them go at the baseball field at the college and then sat in the grass and watched them till they floated into the sun. Jeremy snatched them to Heaven at that point...we never saw them again.
I cried. Jamey was supportive. I cried some more. It makes me feel good to cry about my sadness over losing Jeremy. That way I know that I am not pushing thoughts away or burying them so deep that I can't get them back again. I miss Jeremy very much, but I don't let those feelings rule my life. Sometimes I worry that I am not sad enough, that I don't cry enough, or dwell on his death enough. Then it occurs to me...that is what people do that cannot let go. I can let Jeremy go; I know he is Heaven and he is happier and healthier than he was here. I know that I will see him again.
It is hard though, hearing people talk about what they are doing with their kids on Mother's Day. My neighbor announced that her son (25) is taking her on a date to the movies. I just thought to myself, "Relish it, I'd give my eye teeth to sit in a movie theater with my son." I didn't say it though.
Happy Birthday Buddy...I love you!