Endings=Beginnings

It's the last week of school. I have had a blast this quarter! I love my classes and the new friends that came with them. So, what happens now? The quarter is almost over........
Will my friends be in my classes next quarter? Doubtful. It is Summer quarter and not much being offered. The chances of them needing the same classes that I can get are slim. What about Fall quarter? Will they be there? I hope so. Will there be a whole new batch of friends? I hope not. I like these people. Most are in the same boat as I am. They are middle aged women trying to improve their lives. For whatever reason they have found their path leading to education. None of us really has a clue what we are doing or why.....we are just trying to help each other muddle through the best we can.
What happens if I can't get the classes I need in the fall? What if funding doesn't come through? What if I don't do as well next quarter as I did this time? What if I hate my classes?
Too many questions to worry about one week before finals. I have to get through this quarter first....THEN I will start to worry about next quarter. All my classes will be online or self-paced anyway, so it is really up to me how I do, isn't it?
I guess I just have to look at the ending of Spring Quarater '09 as the beginning of Summer Quarter '09 and press on. There may be new friends, but I will keep the old ones. If I hate my classes, I will survive. It is only one quarter.
I don't know what this new quarter will bring........it will be a new adventure; just like this quarter was 10 weeks ago. Who would have thought that I would be pulling a 4.0 GPA? Not me! I hope it stays that way through finals. All I can do is my best to keep it that way. That means I need to go do homework and study......

I hate calendars. I used to love them......pretty pictures taken by the best photographers, keepsakes of our past, reminders of the year's events. Now I hate them....pretty pictures, keepsakes of my past, reminders of events past. Little squares with numbers, telling what days to be sad and reflective. Maybe I don't WANT to remember what tomorrow is. Maybe I don't want to know that Mother's Day is, as in 1987, the day after my son's birthday. Maybe I am tired of getting depressed about a box on the calendar! I'm tired of crying at night, tired of songs that remind me of someone I will never, in this life, see again, tired of feeling so out of control, tired of being told how strong I am. I don't feel strong. I feel like I should be............I don't know. I don't feel like I am doing well with the calendar end of all this. I do really well day to day, but then I look at that damned calendar! It torments me. It keeps telling me things I already know, but maybe, just maybe, I would like to be able to put in the back of my mind. It won't let me........I hate calendars.